TRANSGENDER REP - Scott
My name is Scott. I’m also known as Hubby, Daddy, Uncle and Son…. And for the past 8 years I’m also PC. For what felt like the longest time I never ever thought I would hear anyone call me by those names.
25 years ago I met a friend in a club that I hadn’t seen for a couple of years and on greeting them and using the name I’d known them as I was told “oh I don’t have that name any more, I’m in the process of transitioning from female to male, my name is now….”.
As I stood and watched his face as he spoke to me for the next minute or so my mind was blown…. Suddenly I felt alive and that there was a possibility that I could finally feel comfortable and not creeped out in my own skin.
Until that point I had worked in lots of different jobs from managing estate agents to managing nightclubs. I was never satisfied with any of the jobs because my real dream was that I wanted to join the police. Being a police man was my dream since I was a child but I knew that’s what it was, just a dream, a fantasy. How could I ever be in the police, there was not a snowballs chance in hell that I would have worn the female police hat. I had gone through my life until that point being androgynous and I never would have contemplated wearing anything remotely feminine.
But then after seeing my friend, I realised all my dreams could be my reality. The very next morning I made an appointment to see my GP and started my transition. 25 years ago I picked the name Scott and I became the person I was meant to be!
My transition was a really positive experience. Don’t get me wrong, there were times it was hard, really hard, but it wasn’t horrific. To have to start the “real life experience” when you’ve had no hormones or surgery is probably one of the scariest experiences of my life. To change my name and then shake someone’s hand and say “Hi, I’m Scott” and to then watch as they look at you from head to toe with a look of “really? Scott… Hmmmm”. I had people actually then ask what my name really was. I had to be strong, even when there were days that I wanted to stay hidden because it got so tiring and disheartening but I still got up out of bed, got showered, put on really tight binding to hide my chest and then spent the next hour putting on various outfits and scrutinising myself in the mirror to see if my chest showed at all through my clothes. When I finally decided the best outfit to hide my shape it was then game face time. Show no fear, be confident….. as much as I could.
In a way I’m incredibly lucky, I have an amazing family who gave me nothing but support. That’s not to say there wasn’t some initial confusion and hurt. There absolutely was. I was, and thankfully still am, incredibly close to my mum and dad. My mum initially put her game face on. She told me she’d support me no matter what and she would be happy knowing I was. I’m happy to say my mum is a superstar. She has been by my side no matter what and has never wavered in her support for me. Even when she was heartbroken….
I think it’s important to recognise that to transition is not just about the person who is transitioning. I believe for everyone in that person’s life it’s a transition, there’s a period of time where everyone has to learn and adjust. Everyone is different and they deal with things in different ways. My way was that I never forced the issue of my name with my mum. I hadn’t even told her what I’d changed my name to 6 months into my transition. I just thought when she’s ready she will ask me. I was ok with that. About 6 or 7 months after I’d changed my name I was over spending the day with my mum and she had been unusually quiet. I asked her if she was ok. She immediately broke down in tears and started apologising. She said “I know I’ve not asked anything about your name, I’ve tried a few times to bring it up but I get scared and stop. I just feel like at the moment if I were to use any other name than the one I gave you I would feel like I was burying you”.
I will never forget that sentence ever in my life. That was the day I realised just how much my mum loved me and just how much she wanted nothing but happiness for me. She was willing to keep her feelings and not show me any upset for fear it would upset me. I was broken by it. I felt incredibly selfish that I was putting my mum through this. My reply was simple. “Mum you carried me for 9 months and took time to choose a name for me that you thought would be perfect. You called me by that name for over 22 years. I will never tell you to just forget that. You call me by that name until you are ready to call me by the name that I’ve changed to”. About 4 months later it was my birthday and my mum got me a card. On the front it said Son and on the inside she wrote Happy Birthday to my handsome son Scott. She told me she was incredibly proud of me.
After a long time going to sessions with Gender Specialists and Psychologists I was finally given permission to start hormone therapy. At that time it was 1 intramuscular injection of Sustanon every 2 weeks with what felt like the biggest needle known to man. This started me on the journey of a teenage puberty… at 24 years old. My voice started to break and I started to grow hair… everywhere!! That was also the beginning of the loss of the thick head of hair that I had to the Kojack look that I now sport. My bone structure started to change, my skin got more rugged and I went up a full shoe size! I was slowly starting to look how I felt… and I felt on top of the world.
This was my time. Time for me to do all the things I thought were out of my reach. At 5ft6 most things were. My appearance had completely changed there were no signs of the old me anymore, no one batted an eyelid when I said my name, I had chest reconstruction so no need for the hour long sessions in front of the mirror. My voice was deep and I had facial stubble. Time to shave the stubble and submit my application to the police. The interviews went well, fitness tests passed, then I got the date for my lower surgery. Jeez…. I withdrew my application because I knew I had to concentrate on being healthy for surgery and recovery. The surgery consisted of 5 separate operations that I had to go to London for.
After that first operation I was 32 years old and I met the girl who was to become my wife. That was 15 years ago, we have now been married for 12 years and have an 8 year old little girl. The day we found out my wife was pregnant was the week I was told I had been successful in my new application for the police. 2013 was the luckiest year of my life. 13 is now my lucky number. People often ask me if I could turn back time and be born biologically male would I do it. My answer is no. Absolutely not. I’m the person I am today because of the experiences I’ve had, I have the wife and daughter that I have because of who I am. I wouldn’t change that for the world. I’m proud to be me and I’m proud to be Trans. I’m Scott, Hubby, Daddy, Son, Uncle. Friend.
I’ve now been in the police for 8 years and am delighted to be the new Trans Rep. I am excited about the opportunity to help others and show that Transitioning doesn’t have to be scary. To give to others the support that I received when I was scared. I make no promises to know everything but I do promise that I will find out the answers to the things I don’t know and to be supportive, honest and open.